Yet I wasn’t quite ready yesterday when I signed on to the new organ donor app to tell my entire network that “Lisa became an organ donor.” I started getting quips from the usual suspects. “Not quite yet,” read one. “Glad to know you’ll live on in others.  I’ll miss you.” Whaaa….???

Turns out Facebook had a little grammatical error that they’ve apparently now fixed.  Instead of listing the date I registered to be an organ donor, they listed–and shared– that I had actually become an organ donor.

Unfortunately for my teens, I am still alive and kicking.  When it’s my time, I do hope to share the gift of life with others.  Until then, thanks for the laugh, Facebook. And everyone, be sure to follow the guide below to let all of your friends know that you will join me.

You may have noticed that my personal email is bursting at the seems. But with over 5,000 AdAges, clothing sales and Twitter mentions, the one email I opened yesterday had the best title. And while sex will always sell, this wine shop got my attention and made me giggle.

Next time you’re emailing to your list, take an extra minute or two when writing the title of the email. It’s the first thing your audience will notice. Here are a couple of tips to keep in mind:

• If you can be witty, then be witty. If you can’t, then don’t. Always get another opinion (or two, or three) to make sure your wit transcends the internet.
• Avoid using all caps or exclamation points (unless you’re using them to be witty, like in my example above). People think that you’re SCREAMING at them when the caps lock is on, and studies show that exclamation points are associated with spam. Plus, email platforms are more likely to label your message as spam, or simply kick you right into the junk folder.
• Don’t mislead the reader. They’ll unsubscribe or simply delete you in the future if you continually don’t give them what your title promises.

Email open rates can vary industry to industry. If you’re not getting over 20% then you may want to tweak the formula a bit. The title is a good place to start. Remember, if they don’t open it, there’s no way they’re getting the message.

*Shameless plug: Counterintuity clients generally enjoy +30% open rates. We also maintain monthly reward emails for our clients that consistently have +58% open rates. Call us for more information at 818-848-1700.

We are all swamped, and we’re all professionals.  We admittedly struggle with the concept of cleaning at work.  Should everyone take a week of duty? Are executives exempt? Is cleaning up after our own clients and visitors expected, or should the receptionist or assistants do it?

We’re delighted that our commercial cleaning service, Liberty Building Maintenance, not only cleans offices and restrooms, but kitchens, too! We all clap and smile the minute they arrive, knowing that our sometimes-cluttered-sometimes-clean kitchen will, at least today, be spic-and span.   Liberty’s building maintenance services and construction clean up have been grade-A since no one is quite sure how to perform anything but light maintenance duties around here. We’re mostly creative types, not engineers.

We’re growing and we need your help. How does your staff handle office kitchen duty?   In the meantime, I’ll keep leaving notes like this. It doesn’t change behavior, but it sure makes me feel better!

Sure, we all do it…when we see a mirror, we sometimes can’t help but glance. But just be careful what you do in public. You never know who could be watching!

“You are in our thoughts and prayers.”

Perhaps I’m jaded because of the many health tragedies my family and I have experienced over the years.  But to me, these words seem so hollow, so overused by even the unfaithful, that they make me laugh.  Literally. (Which is #2 on my list).

I heard my husband, who hasn’t stepped foot in church other than for a baptism or burial in the 25 years I’ve known him, say this to someone recently. In fairness, he is a devoted friend, the kind that would drop everything to help even a mere acquaintance.  So while I know he was being sincere, and certainly is concerned, I’m sure lightning would strike twice before he prayed for anyone.

Another one that gets me is “We’re thrilled to…”

This one appears in press releases daily, as in “We’re thrilled to have John join our management team.”  By definition, thrilled is to “cause (someone) to have a sudden feeling of excitement and pleasure; to cause to quiver, tremble, or vibrate. I’m quite sure that no executive I know has done the jig or had seizure-like symptoms due to a new hire.

Some of my other “favorite” now empty, meaningless words that are overused daily, particularly by business people, are:

3. “Think outside the box.”
4. The word “amazing” to describe anything that isn’t truly amazing (to overwhelm with surprise or sudden wonder; astonish greatly).
5. “These difficult economic times.”

Many people (myself  included) write or say these phrases all the time by mere habit.  If everbody stopped using them, it’s not like the world would be a better place in any measurable way.  Yet hearing them simply makes my skin crawl. It’s time to retire them.  What words would you like to nominate for the list?

My 18 year-old son got this package in the mail the other day.  I almost threw it out, but thought maybe we could use it in the guest bathroom or for emergencies.

Imagine my surprise (and my marketing mom pride) when he seemed as excited about his new manhood kit as he was his new computer.  ”This is an awesome idea,” he mumbled (even when they are excited, teens mumble).  ”Look at this stuff!” He began pulling out cute little bottles of shaving cream, deodorant, body wash, cooling gel, coupons, and, the piece de resistance, a Gillette Fusion razor.

And then, my little 6′ 1″ about-to-go-to-college-peanut said the most profound thing I’ve ever heard. “This is chill!  I can’t believe they’d send me these things for free! I will buy from this company for life for doing this. Mom, look at this.  Isn’t this a good idea for them? All companies should do this, huh?”

Beaming with pride, I agreed.  In addition to my astonishment that he said more than 5 words to me in one day, my head was spinning. He has my marketing gene! He actually gets it!  All of the time, sweat and tears spent applying for business schools paid off in that one moment.

As he heads off to college next month, Gillette products along for the ride, I now have confidence that he will succeed as an adult in his chosen path.  He feels like a man because Gillette confirmed it, and he ate that message up.  More importantly, he instinctively understood marketing basics such as brand loyalty, lead generation, and customer retention.

Wonder if Tide has a “College Kids for Clothing Cleanlinesss kit” they could spare?

Who are these people I cast aside?

1. It’s All About Me’s:  You know the type. Their kid got accepted early decision to Harvard, they were awarded top agent in the nation, they’re in the celebrity green room at the Super Bowl (and posting everything from a photo of the Packers-colored rice on their dinner plate to pictures with sports stars way past their prime).  Along the way, you’ve liked most of their posts, congratulated their kids, and even let them know how jealous you are that they got to pose next to 90′s superstars.  Yet they have NEVER commented on your posts or re-tweeted you.  It’s like being at a cocktail party with someone that talks and talks and never asks about you.  So I did what I’d do at a party.  Excused myself and walked away.

2. Lurkers: These are the followers that hide in the shadow, catching you at the market with a “That was a great photo of you at the Chamber meeting last week.  Oh, and hope your mom is feeling better after her surgery.”  What?  I actually friended this person?  Why doesn’t he make his online presence known?  Why doesn’t he ever comment about himself or his family? Why doesn’t he tell me he reads my posts and looks at my photos? Isn’t this supposed to be about engagement and two-way streets?  To me, these people are creepy; not self-sacrificing.   Truly altruistic people wouldn’t join Facebook.  Lurkers are the ones you really have to watch out for.  They’re watching your every move stealthy.  What are they afraid of?  Why don’t they interact?  All I know is I’m afraid of them, so buh-bye!

3. Door-to-Door Salesmen:I’ve been pitched everything from slippers to rap dance lessons online.  And the answer is still NO.  If I wanted high quality Botox/mattress pads/insect repellent or any of the myriad of over-priced clothes, shoes, jewelry and/or purses you hock incessantly, I promise, you would be the first one I’d call.  In the meantime, how about telling me what you’ve been up to since we last saw each other in eighth grade?   Posting a few pics of your family instead of your “exclusive” spring product line?  I actually care a lot more about where you’re gong on vacation than I do about the hostess points I could get for inviting my friends to your Tupperware party.  If you want to join the conversation, jump in.  But for now, I’m done hearing about your purses that match my eyes and also make dinner for five as well.  Ta-ta!

4. Eeyore’s: Your kid has a 103 fever for the third time this year, your mother had emergency surgery, your car broke down and you don’t have the money to fix it, and your husband lost his job.  Guess what?  Me, too.  I have no problem hearing about the bumps in your road once in awhile, nor do I have a problem posting mine. But honestly, did you miss the half-full glass over there?  I generally have a high tolerance for pain, but not for your daily woe-is-me epic.  Go find me three positive things to say about your day, and I might let you back in.

5. TMI’s: These used to come yearly in Christmas letters; now we get them daily, and some recent ones have been doozies.  How do I say this delicately?  I DO NOT CARE TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND’S COLONOSCOPY OR WHAT HE HAD TO DRINK BEFOREHAND.  NOR DO I CARE HOW LONG HIS SURGICAL SCAR IS OR WHAT IS COMING OUT OF IT.  Enough said.  Hasta la vista, baby.

I am the first to admit I’m not perfect.  I’ve posted a few items that I later deleted; I’ve embarrassed my kids; I even had a local store owner send me hate mail for a post I wrote about his poor business practices.  But one thing I know I am is a good social citizen.  I’m in this to learn as much about you as I can; to celebrate your joys and cry along with you if needed.  I friended or followed you for the same reason.  Maybe it’s me.  Maybe I expect too much out of this “social” media stuff.  But until I get back from you what I put into it, I’m done with you.  I hate to say this, but it’s likely for your own good.