How to blow a job interview

We recently posted online for a new position for hire, and were pleased (and shocked) to receive more than 200 applications.

What’s even more shocking were the mistakes the applicants made in the job search process.  Since the class of 2011 is about to embark on a major job hunt, we thought we’d add our just-learned tips from an employer’s view on how to massively blow a job interview.

1. Don’t follow directions: If the ad states, “Send a resume and cover letter,” be sure you omit one of the two.  Of course the firm is being overzealous, and a cover letter is a waste of time, any way.  Be sure to add three or four letters of recommendation into the mix, too.  Too much information that they didn’t ask for can’t be a bad thing, can it?

2. Make spelling mistakes: This is especially important when writing out the firm’s name.  Turn this whole interview thing around and try to catch them on their toes.  See if they can find 10 grammar and spelling mistakes, because, as the ad said, “Grammar and spelling are important.”  Throw in a few e’s before i’s, and mix up your to’s and too’s, and you’ll really find out how important it is to them.

3. Don’t Return Calls for Interviews: First, make sure your voice mail plays Eminem or Snoop Dogg while they wait.  Don’t use your name or phone number in your message, either.  You want to keep ’em guessing.  If you really want to get them, don’t return a call for an interview, even if you can’t make it or already got another job.  You don’t owe them anything, why bother?

4. Be Late for the Interview: Being fashionably late is the new black, right?  Nobody ever arrives exactly when expected — why should you?  Don’t bother leaving early just in case you hit traffic or weather problems.  If they want to hire you, they’ll wait for you.

5. Try to be as Overqualified as Possible: Sure, the ad says “part-time,” and the pay is set, but deep down inside, you’re sure because you have so much experience that they want you to transition to full time, at twice the rate the current employees earn.  Darn it, you’re worth it!  Be sure they know all about your law school degree and dual MBA’s while you’re at it.  They probably just aren’t aware that they need someone of your caliber, or they would have advertised it.

6. Show Desperation: You’ll do anything to get this job, and make sure they know it.  Offer to pay them to hire you. Mention your eviction notice and car repossession.  Offer to name your third child after the owner.  This is such an attractive quality in an applicant, and you can never look too desperate or too thin.

GOOD LUCK, Class of 2011!

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